he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
