her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
