I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
