and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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