We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
