You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize