I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
