Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
