Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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