Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
