I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
