he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
