Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
