oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
