who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
