i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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