Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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