my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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