Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
