yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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