Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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