She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
