He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
