saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
