woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
