4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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