i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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