Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
