she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
