You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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