how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I die, sorry about rent.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
