You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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