Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
