I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
