i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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