is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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