are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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