Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
