I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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