you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
