youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
