i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
