So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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