Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize