I must be too annoying 4 u.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
