Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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