If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
