sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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