I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
