p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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