this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
