i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
