I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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