508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
