Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
