:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
