my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
