hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
