I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
