people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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