dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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