I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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