Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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