my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
