Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
