I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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