I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
