I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
