The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
